nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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oodles and oodles of fun..k NOT

Diary dear diary..

it's Humpday. And I need humped. Today has been one of thossssssse days. Finally got the drain people here--fucking yahoos. Get the work done and what do they do? Leave twelve tons of water and crud all over my basement floor!!! At least the LAST guys sprayed it down my drain!! So now I get the great job of doin' it meself. Not to mention catching up on allllll the laundry that's been waiting and my dishes and my shower and the boys baths and ...getting the picture yet? My entire domesticy life as I know it has been on hold for several days..we've taken showers and dealt with the watered basement.. heck, all we had to do was flush the toilet and we had water in the basement! grrrrrr

I'm having a bad day. I have a friend..we'll call him that. He is anal. Only way to describe him. And while I think he's basically a good guy and funny as hell, this anal-ness is getting to me. He's having a cow about something so minor and so...tedious. GRRRR. 'Nuff on that.

I read several diaries today that had me laughing my ass off at the sheer ...bizarity (is that a word?) of them. And one that had me nodding and saying "right on". I'll have to get my butt in gear and do a lil updating round here.

I'm cold again..but that always seems to be the case. And *ahem* I'm fully clothed, thank you very much! I've read and reread my entries to this point, and while I've read others who come across so much more eloquently than I, or even in a less...conversational way, I think I'll be sticking to this format. While I'd love for everyone to look at my writing style and rave about how "intelligently" and "evocatively" I compose, let's be honest--I'm just me. And I don't need to be pretentious to show that I'm sweet and confused and smart and stupid and silly and dorky and funny and sad and lonely sometimes and ...all the other things that make me up and make me---me.

My sons are growing. And it's making me so proud and so sad all in the same heartbeat and breath. I know they can't stay little forever, and I'd never wish that on them. I just wonder sometimes, although I think I'm doing a not bad job of raising them, I wonder what mistakes I'm making and what kind of men they'll be. I keep journals for each of them offline..written thoughts and hopes and dreams for them, things they've accomplished and tried for. I'm blessed. I've had days where if they weren't in existence, neither would I be. Is there anyone who knows that feeling--of not wanting to live save for one singular reason? No desire to draw one more breath ...but for one?

I'm tired today, and feeling my age and more. Dwelling is something I'm not going to do, however, so I'm off to the showers to avoid being further morose! Have a lovely day, one and all. I'm around somewhere..and glad you are as well.

N.

2:34 p.m. - 2003-02-05

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