nixtress's Diaryland Diary
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Sexy self acceptance and phone boning
I read an entry in another diary this morning that basically evolves from someone's inability to reconcile his raising and basic morality with his base desires. This guy strikes me, overall, as a good guy with the same problem the rest of us stumble thru at some point--self-acceptance.
I'm living proof that the perverse/banal side can be integrated successfully with the normalistic, socially-acceptable side.
I'm a perv. I admit it now. There was a point in time when I had a rough go of trying to accept that I liked...my kink and that didn't make me a horrid person. I think probably because of the situation I grew up in, I tried horrifically to compartmentalize my life on the straight and narrow. And while I still do that, to a degree, I've accepted that I'm not your average "soccer mom" and that my base desires don't make me a horrible person.
I like sex. I've been party to all kinds of sex. I'm not the stereotype for slut but I've seen my fair share. And while I've come to grips with those situations that left me feeling yucky, I've reconciled with myself that I can be horny and perverted without that making me a bad person. To clarify, I'm not talking...just vanilla sex. I'm talking rough sex, at times, and being bisexual, and phone sex and the list goes on. I think whatever it is you're into, as long as you're able to face yourself in the mirror and know down deep you're a good person...I think that's the important part. Society in general doesn't do well in it's acceptance of those who are gay, or bisexual, or those who "swing" or have open relationships or even just alternative lifestyles..and I think that's primarily because people shun what those before them have and also the things that frighten them due to misinformation or just not understanding.
I have a pretty ...earthy outlook. It's not my role to judge another. For my own doings, I'm not hurting anyone else, I'm not warping my sons, I'm not doing anything illegal and I still have respect for myself. Others might not choose what I do but that doesn't make me..less than. Somewhere along the lines, we all have to figure out what it is that is acceptable and livable for ourselves. And my goal isn't to make it any harder on anyone else when I have enough of a journey of my own.
This guy, this poor soul who is coming to terms with his own sexuality and the definitions of it, I find a strange connection with. Probably because I'm not so far removed.
On a lighter note, I'm loving my music notes. Once again, I'll reiterate--I'm a music FREAK. Anyone who knows ME knows I'm never without the stereo on and I'm always singing something. So this is fitting, for now. It's still a work in progress so..deal :P
I talked someone through phone sex last night. I know for some this is not going to make alot of sense but it's all in the details for me. I'm more into watching your ass move as you pump your cock in and out of me than I am about the overall idea of getting off. I like the sounds and the scents of sex, those slurping wet noises with each stroke of tongue and pussy, and the pungent tang of pussy and cum. The salty taste of precum, and the slick texture of sweaty skin. The racing of a pulse and the pump of orgasm is so much more erotic to me than looking at porn or just getting laid. It's all in the detail.
I never thought I'd be one to enjoy this kind of thing but I guess it gives me an outlet of sorts. I'm good at it. What a thing to be good at, but I am. I'm good at talking guys thru getting off.I have a very sexy voice. And I like it. I like saying those things that will make them explode. I like hearing it..and I'm inherently good at learning and knowing what will send them off. Maybe I should look into making this a venture. :P
Work tonite, per the norm. Found out last nite there's an officer who's divorcing and I'll go into this more in another entry as to why this shocks me. I'm just very sorry for him.
Time to go medicate my Grams. Have a lovely weekend all and I'll be around.
N.
11:33 a.m. - 2003-02-21
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