nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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I've a hole in my soul...

I feel like I should be writing something uplifted..but I'm not really feeling uplifted or positive right this second. I'm actually feeling sad and lost and lonely. Maybe more of a reason to try bringing out the positive side of me. Or at least not to dwell in the not so positive side.

The rainy night gave way to a semi-cloudless day. Blue, blue skies and just a hint of wind. The dandelions are having family reunions in my backyard. I should really mow. You can see where Mr. Gruffy Groundhog has been having his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Pathways for his fine dining experience. A black bird of some sort is making it's home in the soffet of my house. A small gap between the roof and the gutter..housing some wee ones, I think. I can hear the scuttle sometimes of the bird going in and out. My lilacs are attracting bees, the big fat bumbly ones.

Brother B. called today, wanting his computer games to load into my mother's computer. Talking to him is a bit of a culture shock for me. He's given to random bits of slang and it throws me. That and hearing him talk about sex is tantamount to hearing your parents do the same--you know it happens but you don't want to KNOW it happens. Ya know? I know that he's 19 now, and feeling his wild oats. I just don't want to know the full degree of it.

*sigh*

Music=solace. I'll be around later, I think.

Jude-I know.

You've got such a pretty smile.

It's a shame the things you hide behind it.

Let um go give it up for a while...

Let um free and we will both go find it.

I know there's no where you can hide it.

I know the feeling of alone.

I know that you do not feel invited,

But come back, come back in from the cold.

N.

4:26 p.m. - 2003-05-04

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