nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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anticipation or condemnation?

It began in complete innocence. Simple innuendo gone awry. Jests tossed back and forth, comments made. Verbal foreplay. A web spun invisibly between us three, invisible but tangible. I know what you wanted. I could almost taste it, it was so thick in the air. Crescendo from teasing glances and mild commentary to full throttle contact. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom, in the dark and I could almost feel the thoughts going through his mind. The indecisiveness. Resting on the cusp between to do or not to do. And when I drug him back into the light, I could see the anticipation on your face, evil man. You on the floor, he on the couch, both of you staring at me with a thirst. And though I was tempted, in a curious, uninhibited way, I said no. Still you stared. And pushed. A goodbye stretched so thinly it was transparent. Mild physical contact that had his pulse racing. I saw it, and felt it. All from a simple farewell hug.

I'll admit, in the dark depths of my whorey self, that I was tempted and that I wanted. To not admit that would be lying to myself. I just don't know how I'd handle it after.

N.

8:55 a.m. - 2003-05-15

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