nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Shifting sands of things we see

Has anyone ever noticed how much better home made food tastes as opposed to store bought? Take jelly/jam, for instance. Growing up, there was nothing better than my grandmother's grape jelly and her occasional batch of strawberry jam. Store stuff just didn't compare. And bread--beyond the fact that making it by hand is therapeutic, it just tastes so much better. The same can be said with iced tea. Those machines that make it quick just don't create the same taste as the sun does with teabags and a good ol' glass jar.

Yum.

The other day, when I wrote about my grandmother, I realized that as much as you can tell yourself it's coming, and as much as you can prepare for it in the future, it's not the same thing as dealing with it NOW. I knew there would be a day when she'd slip more than what she has. She's almost 90, so it's going to happen. I just wasn't ready for it to happen now. I don't know if there's a way to be ready, I somehow don't think you can. I tried really hard to just blend it off, because I know that if my grams knew how very much she's not herself anymore, it would hurt her horribly. And it hurts me horribly too. She's always been so strong and one of the few people in my life I always knew would be there. I think, ridiculous as it sounds, I'm just starting to realize, REALLY realize, there's coming a day when she won't be. And maybe not just in a physical sense. I guess I thought her physical ailments would take her before anything else could.

The sun is shining this morning, through the trees in my backyard and creating this dappled effect on the wood of my deck. There's a hummingbird flitting 'round my feeder and it's amazing to me how they can seem to stop time and hold so still and in the next half-second zoom off in warp speed.

The boys are building wooden dinosaurs with sets I bought them at the zoo. I can't believe how quiet they're being, so engrossed in doing it just right. Determined to put all the pieces together to make the perfect beast. I am not looking forward to the day they realize that imperfections abound and nothing is ever quite like you think it should be or is.

I'm making blueberry bread today, like my aunt used to make. And I suppose I should get on it.

Happy Sunday, one and all. May your day be blessed by time with those you love and who love you back.

N.

11:11 a.m. - 2003-07-13

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