nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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explanations

Mmmmmm..so my last entry was a direct result of a conversation I had with Cousin AmySpender last night.

Her husband is gone constantly, theorizing he deserves to do with his weekends what he will as he works all week long and that's his only free time. Therefore, he goes and goes and goes as he will with no explanation or even an approximate time he'll be home. If he does, on rare occasions, give an approx. time, he doesn't honor it and arrives home 5 hrs later.

And while she will admit on one hand how it makes her feel as if he has no respect for her, and that he doesn't need to live up to his promises, and that other peoples' feelings and opinions matter more than hers, on the other hand she rationalizes that he really DOES only have weekends for free time and that she doesn't have the right to make demands on that time.

And she'll sugarcoat things and situations and wear blinders all the while twisting it around into being her own fault for expecting too much or requesting more than she should be.

That's a horrible place to be. Is that what love really is? A way to make lies out of the truth and a way to twist every situation to your own advantage? What ever happened to taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to mistakes made? And what ever happened to not putting it all on yourself and having someone else be accountable for the positions they put you in and the resulting turmoil you feel?

One side of the coin has me thinking he does what he does because she allows him to treat her that way, and because she has yet to say "I won't feel this way anymore", and the other side says it's not fair to expect to be able to treat someone in such a shoddy manner and not have any thought to how you make them feel.

I don't know. Is it any wonder that people will sometimes tend to be alone rather than falter in this sort of relationship? I'm not judging her, since she wouldn't be in this relationship if she weren't getting SOMETHING out of it. I just wonder if I, myself, have too high of expectations for a relationship/partner. I certainly don't want to be with someone who doesn't value me or my thoughts or feelings. I respect that fact that everyone needs their own personal time and space. I don't think, however, that in a relationship you can act like a single individual and expect to still remain a couple. It just doesn't work like that.

And I realize that love and marriage as well entails certain...sacrifices, of mind and body and spirit and schedules. I don't think, however, that it's a one-sided deal.

'Nuff said.

***

My kitties are darling. They're quickly becoming the two most affectionate cats I've ever had in my life. They play nightgames with each other, hide and seek and pounce. It's funny to watch. They're amusing as hell.

Sunburned N. is healing nicely. No more ouchies and it's fading to a lighter shade of red. Thank God. I looked a little lobster-like and it hurt just to BE.

I can hear the kids pool calling me to clean it. I think I'd better answer before they start calling as well.

Happy Monday all :)

N.

9:20 a.m. - 2003-07-14

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