nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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thoughts from my cluttered head

Squirrelling through our long term storage area tonight, I came across scrapbooks that had been put together for the department some 20 years ago. And it's amazing to me to see some of the same families and names in the news then as are now. It's heartbreaking to see what people can pass down to their children, even lifestyles and life choices.

It's also amazing to me to see the amount of violence that ran through this little town for a while. In the span of ten years, there were approximately 12 murder-suicides and numerous stabbings.

I have heard it remarked that one suicide can spark a landslide more, almost like it plants a seed. And I believe that's true of many other situations.

Work tonight was sluggish, sort of like I was. We had a drunken man who I swear looked like he had Progeria. He was incredibly tanked, and carrying around homosexual pornography in his back pocket. Patti was tolerable only because I spent quite some time back in the long term storage room doing research for one of the detectives.

Nice perk right before I left for work--brought in the mail and I actually got a child support payment. Anyone who's ever gotten unexpected money in the mail knows what I mean. That's the boys' school clothes with extra, a nice load off my mind.

***

I want, more than anything right this moment, to curl around someone and lay my cheek to warm flesh, intertwined and wrapped up in closeness and love and comfort. I want to hear the steady thump of a heart beating and the rhythmic breaths of someone other than myself. I want to snuggle into circling arms meant to welcome only me in that way, and I want to give myself up to be given in return.

Crawling off to my empty bed to dream,

N.

12:40 a.m. - 2003-08-10

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