nixtress's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heart failure at 28

Ok, yesterday I got 109 page hits. And besides two very nice signings by Batten no one else was nice enough to even sign in the GUESTMAP. No notes, no guestbook, nuffin.

Pshaw. If you're taking the time to visit, especially for the first time, shouldn't you say hi?

In other news, I had heart failure this morning. Really. I got to Gram's and after much waiting was buzzed in. Got upstairs, opened the door and my grandfather meets me, all disheveled, saying that Grams had fallen. My heart not only dropped to my stomach, I think it's stuck in my bowels somewhere. Brief history: my grandmother had fallen before, and due to having an extremely weak heart (due to numerous bypasses and heart disease) had been unable to have the surgery necessary to fix a broken hip. She's therefore confined to a wheelchair. So when Grandpa says she's fallen, I'm immediately picturing more broken bones. I ran into my grandmother's bedroom (separate from my grandfather's) and there she was, laid out on the floor, leaning back against the bed. Before even touching her, we went over the basic anatomy--leg bones connected to the KNEE bone, knee bones connected to the...etc.

I asked her probably 12 times if she felt any pain anywhere, that I needed to know before we moved her in any way so as not to aggravate anything. After much checking and finding no bones protruding anywhere, I managed with my grandfather's help to lift her and scooch her back into her wheelchair. We got her all settled (teeth, glasses, housecoat) and then proceeded to the kitchen so I could make breakfast.

She's acting normally, not complaining of any pain anywhere and my gramps has strict instructions to call one of us if she develops any. And I'll be going back around noon.

My blood pressure is just now beginning to come down. I can still feel my heart thumping in the pit of my stomach.

I don't know what I'm going to do on the day I go there and something's really wrong. I mean, I know I'll deal with it at the time, I'm fairly good under pressure and in emergency situations. I'd be in the wrong line of work if I wasn't. After, though, I won't be okay. At all.

My grandparents not only managed to raise 7 kids, they did it without complaint. There were times that my dad or one of my aunts or uncles had to move back in with my grandparents, sometimes with children in tow, and not once can I remember even hearing an argument. To my grandparents, that was what family did. They stood by one another, and helped. One of my aunts and her two children lived with my grandparents for years while she went to school. My cousin Jason roomed in a bedroom with my grandfather. And that was what I was taught family was. Close knit, with a strong faith in each other and in God.

***

I've decided I'm too set into my life. I need to branch out a bit, develop some new interest. I'm going to check into a photography class, and a cooking class being held here locally. I think both would be fun and educational. A way to not stagnate.

Ah well. I have some diaries to catch up on. I'll be around somewhere.

N. *** postscript: Widower was nice enough to add me to his faves and to sign my guestmap so I'm making note, since I complained earlier in this entry. Thanks :)

8:50 a.m. - 2003-09-05

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next