nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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calming

This has been a rollercoaster couple of days for me. It began with this, trickled down to this and then slammed me with a curveball.

And now, I've hit that plateau towards the end of the ride where you know it's slowing down. My brother is going to be okay, has been admitted to the psych unit about half an hour from me. They'll be keeping him a minimum of several days, with the option to go further. And hopefully this will stair step him into the help he needs. I'm going to see him tomorrow, while the boys are in school. I think that'll help some.

After a good cry last night, I realized that, besides my concerns for him, I'm just really afraid that the trend in my family towards bipolarity will find it's way into my children. And it feels like I've sentenced them somehow. Perhaps I'm just looking at it from the wrong angle. I just don't want them to have to deal with all of this, and it makes me ask myself if I'd have done things differently had I known the genetic predisposition of this illness. I know the answer to that, and it's not a clearcut one. The best thing I can do for them is be viligant, and armed with the experiences I have had. I just wouldn't wish this disease on anyone.

My sons had a lovely day with my cousin AmyBrat and after having eaten their dinner are happily indulging in blue applesauce. I can hear them comparing the color of their tongues, and giggling to each other. They'll sleep really well tonight, having gone to bed super-de-dupery late last night at Meem's. After they finish, I'm going to pop them into the shower, pop them out and straight into jammies. It'll be story time and then cuddle time and then bed time. And I'm so glad tonight for the predictibility of my life and the stability of my sons lives.

I'm going to go finish my dishes and settle into our bedtime/night before school routine. There's a probability that I'll be back after they're asleep. I have a few things I need to look up.

N.

6:00 p.m. - 2003-09-07

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