nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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melancholy

The rain that sang me to sleep last night also helped keep me in bed this morning way past my normal wakey time. Strangely, even RYAN overslept this morning, he who has the internal alarm clock from hell! We got up at 7:15, literally 15 minutes before we normally leave. After dashing around the house like a madwoman trying to make sure that backpacks were at the ready and kids had breakfast, I stopped in the middle of it all and said SCREW IT!I just didn't see the need for speed. To simplify things a bit, they bought lunch today, therefore negating a lunchpacking flurry, and were dressed and having a horrendous breakfast of Poptarts while on the way to school. We were a tad later than usual but that's not a big deal. I went to Gram's sans bra, which was a big deal. Understand that I don't have small boobs and that generally anything that involves leaving the sanctity of my own home involves putting on a bra. So I pulled the "cross my arms over my chest while I walked" thing, to keep them from bouncing around too much and giving some old guy a heart attack.

It's still raining, with some bluster as well. Cool and breezy. And everything outside has that blurry, watercolored look, with the edges slightly smudged and watered down.

Today is one of those days where I find myself feeling ...sad. I don't know if the weather is helping that along or if it's just too much introspection.

Part of it is that I do the things I need to do to take care of my sons and maintain our daily life. I keep close ties with my family, even the ones who drive me batty. I do everything I'm supposed to do. And it's not that I don't know people..I think it's more that I keep them at a distance. And while that's healthy in some ways, it's not so healthy in others.

*sigh*

N. *** Make me smile. Go fill out my survey , if you haven't yet. Thanks.

9:08 a.m. - 2003-09-19

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