nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Ch-ch-ch-changes

My tummy is wobbly, sort of the same feeling one gets when dropping quickly off a stable surface and onto a not-so-stable one. I think it's the shrimp I just ate. *picture green-faced me here*

Yick.

***

There are things in my past that, while helping me learn and become the person I am today, aren't so great. Things I've done, things I've said, things I should have done and didn't. I know that everyone has them. Does everyone feel like they'll be paying for them forever? Some days are like that, I guess. Not every day, just some. Small reminders that sneak up out of nowhere and make me wonder if I really was that other person, whether I really experienced all of that. I don't recognize that other me, the past me, in any shape or form.

I've made some changes in my life that I'm really proud of, stabilizing things in really big ways. I've worked hard to get where I am, and it's taken me many years to get here but I am.

I've been contemplating making some more changes. I'm thinking about nursing school. I've learned, through all of this with Grams, that I can handle alot more than I thought I could. I know that part of my ability to deal now is because she's my Grams, but if I can do it now, I can do it. Period.

It'll be difficult, as I'll have to continue working, and of course there're the boys. It might take me longer than most as I'm not sure how many credit hours I'll be able to squeeze in, but the end result will be magnified. Job stability, higher wages...those are both good things.

Necessary things.

***

I'm off to find something to settle my tummy.

Happy Tuesday. Almost New Year's...resolutions, anyone?

N.

9:51 p.m. - 2003-12-30

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