nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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If I could save time in a bottle...

I'm a creature of habit, I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I like the occasional fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants moment as much as the next Soccer Mom, but I have this thing about ruts. Growing up as I did, the only rut we were ever in was the "Got No Money" rut. Occasionally my parents hit the "Oops Gotta Move Or Go To Jail" rut. Frequently we thumped through the "Beat Her Up One Too Many Times" ditch.

I like the good kind of ruts--the kind where you know where your money's coming from, know waking up that there's a roof over your head, know that there's no imminent danger when you get home and the kind of rut where you know what to sort of expect from your life in the coming days. I'm a planner too. I can plan things like nobody's business. My days stay pretty organized, at least as far as the basics go. Kids clean/fed/happy? Check. Clean clothes/dishes/house? Check. Work? Check and double check.

I have a problem dealing with people who don't know what they're doing up until the very last second before they leave. If it's not their fault, if it's because someone else in their life isn't organized and won't make a decision, that's one thing. It's a completely different situation if it's because you can't make up your damn mind or don't have the backbone to pin someone down. I have problems in those situations. I tend to get sort of...assertive.

I also look for steady and steadfast in my life. I like to know that the people I love and trust feel the same way back and that they aren't going to one day change their minds and drop me like a stinky sock. Perhaps I like some predictability in my life. Maybe it's just that I've had enough upheaval and I want to be able to rely on the people I choose to allow into my life.

The problem with that is that I don't think anything is 100% certain. I don't think there's anything in this world that doesn't change over time.

How does a rut-lover like myself adjust to that? I try and roll with it. I try to change a little too. I try and try and try until there's nothing else to try with. Then I try some more. How much is too much trying, though? When do you say when? How far do you go before you just admit that you can't do anymore?

I wish that life came with a rule book. I wish there was some wise person who could tell me which path to take, which decision to make, every now and again. I know that experience is the ultimate teacher--boy, do I know! I just wish sometimes that it was a little kinder to those of us who have to go through it all.

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My cat Sam-I-Am managed to bust through the screen in the window in the family room, trying to get at the Bootskitty. He apparently has taken a strong disliking to the little fellow and feels that threatening him will do the trick. He found that he's not entirely comfortable out of doors and rushed right back in as fast as he went out. I just have to figure out how to rig my screen until I can get it fixed now. Poor territorial Sam.

Speaking of cats, I saw the strangest thing today. A cat---on a leash. I don't believe I've ever seen such a thing in my entire life. No clue whether they actually make cat harnesses or if this was a small dog's harness but the individual had one on the cat and was walking it on a leash down the street. Almost as strange to me as seeing a kid on a leash.

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I work tomorrow with FavoriteCoworker and then on Sunday with Newgirl. Should be interesting since I tried to introduce myself last week by simply saying hi and she snubbed her nose up in the air and walked right on by. Lovely stuff.

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Seems so strange to have baseball over and to have back-to-school sales beginning. This summer has flown by. I have a month to get the boys all ready to start another year of school. I don't see how it's possible that we've spent that much time already. Our "summer bank" is draining. As much as I enjoy them being back in school, I miss our freedom just as much. Adjustments all the way around, here.

Happy Thursday.

N.

7:37 p.m. - 2004-07-29

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