nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Tired me

My brain and my heart are tired tonight. When you give someone your heart and then take it back, once you've given someone the power to hurt you, how do you take THAT back? I suppose that's the power that exes always have. They know exactly what it takes to hurt you the most, which buttons to push, which levers to throw. I don't know that we can ever take that back. I'm not one to play victim. In fact, it's a role that fits like a shoe three sizes too small. Tonight I felt at the mercy of someone else and that wasn't the best feeling in the world. Certainly wasn't the best feeling of my day. I just wonder if it's a state of mind or whether we can make a conscious effort to take back that control.
***
Have I mentioned how very much I love CSI? I'm not real keen on the spinoffs but I love CSI. Plays into my fascination with all things true crime. That's one of the reasons I love my job so much. In spite of the cattiness, the backstabbing and the constant friction that comes with working as part of a group of women, I love the job. It keeps my brain stimulated, keeps me on my toes.
Good stuff.
***
Baby Kameryn is maintaining. My cousin is maintaining. I'm thankful for that.
Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. Someone remember to wipe tomorrow's slate clean, please.
N.

9:44 p.m. - 2004-10-14

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