nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Forget all the things I should have said...

Second update of the day.
Finished watching Under the Tuscan Sun and it's very definitely a chick flick. There were parts I wasn't fond of and parts I adored. Parts that made me think. It's a movie about moving forward, something I've been struggling with a bit myself. It's hard to move forward when you're afraid to. I wasn't afraid when it was just me. I can't, however, continue to use my children as an excuse to stop growing. It doesn't work that way. And as uncomfortable or uneasy as the idea of change makes me, I still need to experience my life. That's why I'm here. I don't want to be dead yet, don't want my soul to sit and rot with no allowances for the beauty that's out there. It's not all bad. I just have to keep telling myself that.
The day outside is so grey. The cold has continued, and is now mixed in with drizzling rain and the occasional clap of thunder. All of my windows are closed save the one in the living room that's cracked just enough to let a smidgeon of rain-dampened air in. It smells so earthy, but not the same fertile earthy as Spring rains carry. More like the tired wet that comes before snow. I'm wrapped in my softest sweater, loving the comforted feel of it snuggling me.
Quiet day here. I'm half afraid to take my cold meds because then I'll turn into this melancholy ball of fluff. I didn't go to Gramps because I'm hoping to fend this stuff off a bit instead of passing it BACK to him. A nice nap was had instead and I can't say I regret it. Perfect day for slumbering away.
I have a book that's whispering to me. Back after bit.
N.

1:00 p.m. - 2004-10-18

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