nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Safe haven

I'm giving myself the shivers, overdosing on Butter Pecan Haagen Dazs. My fingers are frozen and my tongue is numb and it's incredibly therapeutic.
I've had the day to top all hellacious days. I need all the therapy I can get.
Let's see if I can recap the higher points of the day and completely disregard the bad side.
A) I have a lead on a decent job. Can't Eat and Can't Poop's husband works at a place that's currently looking for an administrative assistant and he took my resume into his boss, in hopes of bypassing all the red tape. Keep your fingers crossed--I really, really, really need this job.
B) Ryan began wrestling tonight and he's too cute for words. He absolutely loves it. He came home, red in the face, hair plastered to his head, with a grin that would have lit up the darkest of chasms or the most depressed heart. That makes it all worth it, the pinching of pennies, the time juggling...Ry immediately began trying out his moves on Trevor.
C) I found out from my old FavoriteCoworker that they managed to make enough cuts in the clerks office to maintain everyone's jobs. There will not be any further layoffs (at least for now) there, and I'm especially glad for FavoriteCoworker.
D) My Freya is feeling increasingly better. She's clearing up and not hiding from me constantly. It's good to see her returning to normal.

I think that about covers the good spots in the day. I'm breathing and living and putting one foot in front of the other.
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I'm reading a book right now (Darkness Bound by Larry Brooks). It dabbles in the dark side of human libido and lust, the games people play and how twisted it all can get. I'm about halfway through and am enjoying it immensely. It's a nice escape.
***
Do you suppose when you die that you get credit for trying? Regardless if you believe in God (or any other version of a higher power) or karma or afterlife or whatever...do you think it counts to try? Does effort make a difference? Do we have some grand report card somewhere that totals out the accomplishments of our lives and the attempts we made? I think that trying counts now, while we're alive. I fully give credit for intent. I just don't know that it makes any difference in the grand scheme of things.
It feels some days like I've been trying all my life, to make myself better, to make life better. Is that just the real definition of life?
This is all over the place. I think it's best to close shop for the night.
Happy Monday evening.
N.

8:56 p.m. - 2005-01-10

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