nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Corkscrew days

The snow melted away today like it never existed. The only traces are puddles here and there and a drenching of the soil.
It's been one of those rollercoaster days. Part of it is because I'm tired and still getting over this bronchitis crud. Part of it just had to do with the content of the day.
I went to see Grams today (as I have been doing quite a bit more recently) and she was a little more aware. Only a little, though. She knew she hurt but couldn't seem to process why. My aunt Kath was there, as was Gramps. At one point she made us all laugh because of the absurdity of what she was saying. And in the next moment, Kath and I were both sobbing.
They moved her to put her on a bedpan and she screamed like I've never heard a human being scream in my life. The hospice people hadn't been in yet and the doc was unsure whether to medicate her until they got there. So when they tilted her, it was bone grinding on bone and it nearly killed me. No one should feel that kind of pain, especially not someone I love so much. It was awful. She cried like a little girl and literally begged them to take their hands off her.
I had to leave then, for physical therapy. It's not so easy to pull one's self together after something like that but I did it and got through the p.t. Then I went back, to give the nurses a piece of my mind. By that time, they'd given her morphine and she was picking daisies out of thin air. We had a conversation about hot air balloons and how she wanted to ride her bike and how darning socks was her least favorite job. Then my Grams forgot I was there and talked to herself instead, about things I could only barely hear until she fell off the edge into sleep. It reminded me of the way the boys used to soothe themselves off to sleep as toddlers.
I got home and had a good cry, out of the hearing of my Ry guy.
He was the upside of my day. There's some sort of therapy to be found in the honest affection of little boys for their moms. In spite of the fact that he was recovering from strep, he was so good natured today. He spent the better part of the morning playing quietly by himself in his room. The times I peeked in, he was surrounded by Lego bombs and army men and then by Bionicles and MightyBeanz. He's got a great imagination and can play endlessly when left alone. And he was funny. Ry's got an ornery sense of humor. He goes back to school tomorrow but has a follow up appt. with his pediatrician, just to make sure the strep is really going away. And he thinks he can maybe talk the doc into giving him one more day off school if he can just find the right bribe...
Work was work and I'm off for the next two days. I have so much to catch up on in the house and with the boys. I'm glad for the time off.
Happy Monday, everyone. I'm glad to usher in a new day.
N.

11:15 p.m. - 2005-04-25

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