nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Trevor's 9th birthday

Nine years ago today, I held a huge-pawed little squawking baby in my arms, wondering where in the world his deep dimples had come from.
He still has those huge paws and still carries the Grand Canyon-esque dimples with grace. And while the squawking has become wordy, it still exists as well. His smile greets me every morning, his sense of humor never fails to make me laugh. He's bright and funny and caring and stubborn and quirky and more kind hearted than a boy of nine should be. Trevor wears his heart on his sleeve and gets it broken daily but manages to bounce back with an energy and a hopefulness that we should all have. Every day continues to be an adventure to him and watching him grow makes it an adventure for me. I despaired ever really connecting with this sunshine boy of mine but somehow, some way, it's happened. Bonding was a tough thing but we managed to accomplish it, in spite of the many boulders in our path. He's conquered ear infections and delayed developments, autistic behaviors and night terrors. So many monsters we've slain or roped into submissive management...and he's a great kid because of those things. Trevor has changed so many times in the span of the nine years he's been alive and I'm looking forward to the years ahead. There's something special about this kid of mine, something about the way he marches to his own drummer and faces life head on that's going to make a difference for him.
I remember holding him in my arms, tears streaming down my face only to mix with his as he cried incessantly, inconsolably. I remember having to teach him sign language because he didn't want to talk and wondering if he'd ever learn to walk. I remember late nights spent in the E.R., fighting yet another ear infection. I remember the first words, the first hugs, the first spontaneous "I love you's". I remember tearing the house apart at naptime when he'd fall asleep anywhere but in his bed. I remember the first day of school, the first independent bus ride, the first time he walked away from me without looking back. And I look at the way he tramples every day now, makes it his own, and know that he's my miracle. In spite of my doubts, in spite of my fears, in spite of all the obstacles, we've made it through so much and he's my bit of sunshine. A fine young man, ready to become a fine pre-adolescent.
I watched his face light up today when I took in the cupcakes and juice boxes and couldn't help but think how easily this boy is made happy. He's got simple pleasures and simple expectations. Just being alive is a joy to him and you can see it in everything he does. Trev's heart is huge and encompasses everyone he meets. And I'm looking forward to his future.
Happy birthday, baby.

9:43 p.m. - 2005-05-11

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