nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Comparisons and kids

I've spent alot of today, lost in my own thoughts. It's amazing to me how okay something can seem until you have something else to compare it to. It's like eating days old bread your entire life, thinking it's delicious because it's all you've ever known, sometimes adding butter or jelly to give it a twist and then one day, a freshly baked croissant lands in your lap. Will you ever go back to days old bread again? Or will you try like mad to get your hands on a croissant?
Life is sort of like that, sometimes. You trundle on your way, making the best of what you've been dealt and then one day WHAMMO! You see it all in a new light. Sort of like the difference between a clunker car with a bumper that's been SuperGlued on one too many times, so badly rusted you can see through the floorboards to the road beneath flying by, tattered interior covered with old, stained rag rugs and a huge crack snaking across and through the windshield. Then one day, you're given the opportunity to test drive even a gently-used car, smelling of anything besides exhaust and oil, safe in ways you'd only imagined before, with a trunk that doesn't need Bungeed and radio that isn't 8 track.
My point is that perspective changes, even slightly, when given a basis for comparison. And sometimes, you realize exactly what you're missing.
***
Trevor is spending the night with J tonight. And since Ryan was feeling a little lost roaming the house by himself, I told him he could invite Logan over again. This is just a small indication of what Summertime's going to be like. I'm sure we'll have lots of little people in and out before it's all said and done. I had to have a heart to heart with Trevor tonight, as J's mother was concerned that there might be some confusion or worse if a panic attack occurred while my Trev was up there. Her concern was that Trevor would tease or make fun of J for having one of these attacks. I was more than slightly offended by that comment. Trevor has the biggest heart of any child that age I've ever met. And I don't think he'd do anything on purpose to hurt his best friend. However, I explained a little about the situation and I think he'll be just fine. I hesitated on letting him spend the night because I can't help but think that additional stressors aren't needed up there but after speaking for some time with J's mother, she really felt J would benefit from having Trev around tonight. I hope that proves to be true.
Logan and Ry are jetting back and forth between the bedroom and tv room, walkie talkie headphones on, having some mysterious conversation that keeps sending them off into peals of laughter. Almost time to settle them down. Morning came early today and I'm beat, even if they aren't.
Happy Saturday evening.
N.

9:45 p.m. - 2005-05-28

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