nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Grrrrrrrrrrrrumpy

I'm in a bad mood.
I woke up in this bad mood. Foul-tempered and impatient with everything and snappy and grumpy. It's one of those bad moods that carries a melancholy air that seeps into everything you do and think about throughout a day. Nothing has color, nothing has taste, nothing has any sort of flair at all.
It's a really bad day to be in a bad mood as this is the day chosen to celebrate my Ryan's birthday.
I've stumbled through it, faking it as well as I'm able, trying to remember where I last saw my patience. Trev has been picking at Ry like mad today, just smallish things destined to irritate, thus causing that high-pitched "STOP IT" whine. You know that whine, the one they're all born with, that pops up on the Mom-radar with big old GOTTA STOP THAT NOISE flags? Yep. And Ryan has got it into his little (swollen, egotistical) head that he is King Shit and it's his way or the highway today.
Lovely stuff. So on top of my bad mood, I've spent the better part of today playing Referee to the wise-ass children.
My sister C came over 'round about 5pm, dropped off by my mother who was also in a foul mood but didn't want to discuss it. Sister C promptly asked where Ave was (she's sporting PuppyLove like you wouldn't believe for that boy). And either Ave didn't wanna come over or his mother completely forgot so he wasn't here. Neither was the Joshmeister, due to the fact that his mother had a meltdown because she was subpoenaed for BabyBeater's divorce hearing. Logan finally was dropped off somewhere around 6:30 or so and that was the extent of party players.
We had a scavenger hunt, played badminton and horseshoes, tossed twelve tons of water balloons around, had cake and ice cream, swam and opened presents, all in about 2 hrs. I was ready for a meltdown myself by that time and was grateful when they all wandered off to do whatever it is they do out of range of watchful adult eyes. I'm sure they were conspiring to set the house on fire or perform world domination but they were quiet so...*shrug*
Sister C went home at 8pm and bright girl that I am, I decided to do my normal walking the dog thing with the neighbor at 9ish. *when reading bright, hear WhatTheHellWasIThinking??*
Kids on bikes, two adult women walking dogs and twilight. Logan hasn't a clue how to ride a bike, even with training wheels or a scooter so it was like watching the poster child for band-aids. Poor kid. Halfway through the walk, Officer StandupGuy drove through and stopped to chat. Now, under normal, happy-mood circumstances, I'd have spent some time catching up. He was one of my favorite people at the p.d. and I've sorely missed the talks we used to have. I had limited patience, an antsy dog, an even antsier neighbor and really spastic children roaming around so it was a brief update at best. He's doing well, his daughters are outstanding, his bitch of a wife is at least meeting his needs...sounds like things are peachy. (background---he was the only officer I could honestly say I didn't ever think would ever cheat on his wife. He's a solid, stand up guy, sweet as the day is long and cute to beat the band. He was quite possibly my favorite officer and one I still consider a friend.)
After a short update, we started back into our walk and turned just in time to see Logan eat pavement. That signalled the end of my excursion and we just came home.
After muddling through the tail end of the evening, I've settled them all into bed and have peace reigning through out my house. It's dark and quiet, minus the hum of the a/c and the occasional doggy snore. It's cool and calm and I feel like I'm a bubbling pit of negativity. I hate this feeling, hate having it, period, let alone masking it all damned day.
I spoke with my cousin this morning when she called. I got the impression, from her words, that she basically called to make sure I was still feeling badly about hurting her feelings. Literally, she reiterated every damned thing she'd already written me in various emails, kept saying the same things over and over and when I would respond or even TALK, she almost audibly tuned me out. She'd get quiet or start fussing with something in the background that would completely take her attention elsewhere. It was frustrating, to say the least. I just don't know what else to say to her.
On a semi-bright note, I cleaned the heck out of my house today. I love Magic Erasers. Go buy some---there isn't anything in the world they don't clean. In fact, my stove hasn't a speck of grease anywhere on it now. My kitchen cupboards are about three shades lighter. The bathroom is gleaming and all those smudgy fingerprints the children are so fond of leaving everywhere? Ha. Find 'em now!
Pray with me that I wake up in a much better headspace tomorrow, will ya? I'm hoping like hell.
Happy (bah-humbug) Saturday.
I'm off to end this day.
N.

11:20 p.m. - 2005-07-30

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