nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Shouldn't be so hard

There's a tiny smudge of moon tonight, just the barely-there cusp. It very much resembles the mark left by a sweating glass-glass of root beer on the wood of the coffee table. A hardly formed crescent, like the hinged top of a nearly opened tin can.
It's lovely and bright in it's smallness, keeping company with the stars that are so far away. Like they've arranged a small party just for themselves and have forgotten to turn on the lights.
***
It's been an interesting weekend, full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Tonight was the birthday celebration for my aunt, her 50th. It's a week late but they wanted to truly surprise her and this was the only way to do it. I was glad for it, glad because she really has been a dear to me and to my sons. I was also dreading it because it was the first family get-together I've attended since The Discovery. As the time to go neared, my tummy was in knots. I was so not looking forward to it. And in some ways, I was right not to. My cousin was there, as were assorted other ones. My aunts and uncles and tons of people I didn't even recognize. The Upset Cousin barely made eye contact and very distinctly gave me the cold shoulder for the first half hour I was there. And it was just odd, all the way around. Most everyone warmed up fairly quickly, having decided (I guess) that I was still just me and not some rabid diarist out to malign them all. Upset Cousin maintained her distance, for the most part. It felt like I was talking to a stranger. And that bothered me. I've been trying to keep this all in perspective but I'm tiring, quickly, of having to defend myself, my thoughts, my right to even KEEP a journal as I do.
Being with my family shouldn't be so hard.
***
Ryan is finally ungrounded. He pegged his brother upside the head with a light saber and then added insult to injury by smacking him in the face. That behavior rewarded him with a big, fat grounding for the entire weekend---to his room, no one allowed to play with him, only out for food and potty breaks. He was bummed and needless to say, by this evening, dying to get out of that space.
We'll see how tomorrow goes!
***
Happy Sunday. Go wish Juddhole all your best.
N.

10:07 p.m. - 2005-08-07

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