nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Introspection

Services today were very subdued. The man who died was a very colorful one, someone who very much lived his life as fully as he was able, in every aspect. I was surprised at how pale the service seemed for such a vibrant soul.
Saddened a little too, maybe.
I hope when I die, that when my body is the only thing left on this earth, that I'm remembered as just such a colorful person, and in a colorful way.
***
Trevor and Ryan have a food drive with the Scouts tomorrow morning and then they're going with Ave and his foster family to a cool little place in Woo-town to celebrate Ave's birthday. He's turning 11 and a mix of emotions. I know that he misses his mom something fierce (she's been moved to a half-way house in Cleveland now due to overcrowding at the women's reformatory) and isn't seeing his dad at all either (just sentenced to jail time himself for drugs) but it's his birthday and HIS day. His fostermom was nice enough to invite my boys and they're looking forward not only to playing laser tag and assorted other fun things but also to spending a chunk of time with Ave. They really miss having him as a neighbor.
Trevor sat down the other evening and posted a letter off to Joshie. He misses him too.
***
I'm very, very worried about my Gramps. Increasingly, he's losing money and not just small amounts. He lost about a hundred dollars within the last two weeks or so. I'm thinking he's dropping it at his nightly eating place or somewhere in between his home and there. It's not been in his apartment. And yesterday, he left that restaurant and walked right out of his shoe! He didn't notice he was missing a shoe until this morning. How does one lose a shoe, especially in our recent weather, and not notice? I'm concerned as well that he's losing time. Some of that can be written off to being alone so much of the time but still. He doesn't remember from hour to hour what day it is or what even has occurred in the time period I've been at his house.
He's hugely lonely and cried the other afternoon while explaining to me that in watching Grams losing bits of herself to Alzheimer's, he's lost his best friend as well. I had tears too because it's just incredibly sad to see this big and brusk man in tears over my tiny little Grams.
I've tried talking to my aunts, tried telling them what I'm seeing but as happened with Grams, it's going to take them seeing it themselves for any action to be taken. In the meantime, I just keep watching closely and hoping, I guess.
***
It's been one of those days filled to the brim with introspection. A brilliantly sunny day overflowing with almost-Springlike breezes and a chill that I couldn't shake.
I think it's bedtime.
Happy Friday.
N.

9:37 p.m. - 2005-11-04

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