nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Creepy things.

Had to attack my house today with all the wonderful sweeper attachments. You know the ones---they reach into the deepest corners and under the beds you can't move, to suck up everything and anything. The boys have been waking up in the last couple days with spider bites on their little extremities. Poor kids. Eeked me out just to know they had creepy crawlies snuggling into bed with them.
Can'tEatAndCan'tPoopLady called today. The renters that moved into her house up the street are destroying it. They've managed to catch the kitchen floor on fire, broke the blades on a ceiling fan, pulled down the ceiling tiles in the basement and neglected to report a leak that has now demolished the ceiling and wall in the hallway. They've also acquired a puppy who is doing it's best to pee on every square inch of flooring in the place. I think she called mainly to see if I had noticed anything (like I have time to keep an eye on her renters!) and to vent a bit. J. isn't doing so well, mainly because his jealous (and grown) older brother is making his life hell. J's back to losing weight and refusing to eat anything but Reese's Cups and mashed potatoes. She wants to kick out BigBro but is afraid of how he'll react. Just doesn't sound like things are improved all that much after the move. Sad stuff.
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I'm waiting, impatiently, for books I've ordered off of Amazon. It's the first time I've ordered anything from there so I'm unsure how long shipping typically takes. Hoping they get here soon!
ThatCousin lent me a bunch of movies on DVD that I've been wanting to see. So far today the boys and I watched Napolean Dynamite and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The first was definitely different but funny and the latter was enjoyable. The boys really liked League because of the melding of all their favorite characters. Heroes of any sort are a big deal in our household. Ry, especially, loves superheroes and is becoming a bit of a comic book buff as well.
I've got a hot date with mushy love story The Notebook (because ThatCousin says I HAVE to see it) and about ten scary and/or gory flicks. Devil's Rejects, The Skeleton Key, The Forgotten, etc. All after the boys are in bed, of course!
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Therapy yesterday went well. We've begun to scrape away at the layers that make up my experiences in the last while. It's not gotten difficult yet but I expect it will. A necessary evil, in terms of therapy. Even a good thing.
She said something yesterday that I'm having a tough time holding on to, mainly because I'm one of those people who internalizes and takes on the majority of guilt in any given situation. I realized, though, that I want to hold on to this thought, that I really need to. That's sort of a break through for me. She said that the affair wasn't my fault. I know that sounds so simplistic and something that should be common sense but for someone like me, it's not. Even if he had some need I wasn't filling, if there was something I wasn't doing, he had the responsibility to bring it to my attention or find an appropriate means to "fill" that need.
I didn't deserve that sort of treatment.
As bizarre as it sounds even to me, I wasn't grasping that thought. What is there in me that leads me to automatically blame myself, even for the actions of others? How warped is that?
I can't wait until this is healed and a past thing.
Happy weekend.
N.

10:14 p.m. - 2006-02-11

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