nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Stuffy stuff

Ryan had his first practice this week. It was like watching an old showing of the Keystone Kops. They bumbled and fumbled, dropped balls and missed pitches and fell all over the field. And they laughed while they did it, which meant the most. It meant that they were having a blast, the whole idea behind being involved at the age of 8. It's going to be an interesting season for Sluggers!
Trev had another game tonight. At the last game, one of the players was hit by the pitcher (a kiddo) and now Trevor's hanging back from hitting the ball, moving out of the box and generally not even swinging. I think he's hoping they'll just walk him to first base. Not sure if it's solely that he's afraid of being hit (something he's admitted to) or if it's something else as well. Next game is on Tuesday so I'll just have to work on him till then.
***
I've got the cold from hell and feel like smack. I had a fever last night, the kind where you feel like your brain is boiling in your skull. I took Nyquil and that didn't touch a thing. I'm fever-free today but the congestion and sinus pressure are kicking my butt. Ick.
I found that in my three-day absence from my Gramps', my aunts didn't do a darned thing. Not one trip to the grocery for him, not one dish washed, not a thing done, at all. I was steamed.
And last night, in the midst of my Nyquil-induced haze, my mother called. My younger brother B. has managed to impregnate his gf. I may, at some point, grow accustomed to the idea and be overjoyed but right now, I think he's a dumb shit. He's just turned 22, literally JUST got out of jail again (yesterday, in fact. He'd gotten picked up on a warrant for an underage drinking charge he'd accumulated in Floriday before he turned 21) and he's going to take care of a baby? They've been living in a car, for pete's sake! On one hand, maybe this will help him remove his head from his ass and start making the smart decisions I know he's capable of. However, unfortunately, it's more apt to turn out as my older brother's children have---a situation where he barely sees the kids and pays child support sporadically. I really hope, not only for my brother's sake but also for that baby's, that things turn out well, that he steps up and takes care of his responsibilities, that he becomes a man now in the face of such a gargantuan life choice. I hope.
I'm blown away, too, by the fact that my mother is over the moon about this baby. Her words? "I'm going to be a grandmother", as if she didn't already have grandchildren living just across town from her that she barely acknowledges. In my family, if you don't have a penis, you don't count. That's a bitter pill to swallow. I'm not so good at hiding that bitterness, sometimes.
***
I ran into TheSlut again tonight. I'm still smarting from the last meeting, at a school situation where I didn't expect to see her at all.
It's like having my face rubbed in it all over again. I should be able to go out without dealing with this, over and over. HE stepped out on ME and yet I get to pay the price, over and over and over. I've heard of open relationships but my understanding of them is that both parties are aware---this wasn't the case! I didn't sign on for that in my relationship...
Grrr...just not good.
This cruddy cold is not helping my frame of mind tonight. Where this entry started out okay, it's ending badly. I think I'll stop while I'm ahead.
I'll be better tomorrow.
Happy Friday.
N.

8:55 p.m. - 2006-05-05

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