nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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In which I whine alot

I've been so lax about my updating lately. Some of that is because I don't feel that my regular, everyday life is all that interesting, certainly not something I want to write about to read again another day. Part of it is that I'm in a bit of a funk. The end of Summer is fast approaching and we're approaching that time of year where it's hustle-and-bustle school prep time. I'm noticing, each year, I'm a little less into it and I'm not sure why.
I feel so cut off from everything and everyone. I can't remember the last time I really got together with my family, either side. My sister is here frequently but that's sort of like having the neighbor kids over...it's odd. I just don't have anything in common with...well, with anyone, really. Maybe it's because I'm not putting out enough effort. Hard telling.
Therapy has continued, with good days and bad days. She says I need to get involved somewhere, in something I enjoy, but I'm looking at work and kids and housework and...trying to figure out where to squeeze ME time in. Even reading that, I feel like I'm making excuses but they're not made up. They're very real. I don't know how to fit anything else into my life right now without something having to lose a piece of me.
I've given up calling ThatCousin because she never talks to me (I sit for the duration of the call listening to her talk to whomever may be at her house or listening to silence broken only by the tapping of her fingers on her computer keys as she talks online to someone else) or won't call me back. My aunt hasn't returned a call all summer and I try to avoid calling my mother because she's in a very bad spot at this point in her relationship with TheDick and nine times out of ten is drunk or crying (which, when drunk, is tenfold worse).
I've succeeded in avoiding Can'tEatandCan'tPoop family because they're all just crazy as a bunch of loons (long story) and so that pretty much ends my outside connections.
Maybe I should just be resigned to this life until my sons are of an age to drive and I'm useless again, hmm?
Enough bellyaching.
Happy Tuesday. Back in a day or so in better temperatures...I mean, temperament!
N.

9:22 p.m. - 2006-08-01

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