nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Rainy days and Tuesdays

It's pouring rain here today, completely overcast and cool even.
I'm in a bit of a funk too, so it all sort of matches.
Too many things in the brain and not enough space to hold it all.
Have you ever wondered how it's possible to love someone yet don't know why you do? Especially in my family, that seems to be the norm. You sit and try to figure out what it is about that person that makes them so big in your heart and nothing comes to light except those words..."I love them".
Have you ever wondered how we can grow and never seem to grow? I know that I have to have changed monumentally from what I was like as a kid...but I don't feel like it, really. I've always been called an "old soul" and that hasn't changed. Do I just keep becoming an older soul or do I catch up on that?
I know, emotionally, I'm older, wiser and stronger than I was, say, ten years ago...but it doesn't always feel that way. I just feel like...me.
Have you ever wondered what language other people hear when you're talking? Do they really get what you're saying or is it like having a built-in interpretor in their ear, changing things into a version they'll sort of understand?
See...I'm all over the place today.
***
ThatCousin called today. She had a fight with her husband last night and is finding herself in a tough space with him right now. I feel for her. I know what it's like to be in the space she's in, dealing with what she is and trying to figure out where to go.
Maybe that's what has brought on this funk o'mine. Remembrances and all that.
***
I've been giving Ave a ride home after school this week (will continue to do so until Friday). They're living half an hour away so it's an hour drive there and back...not sure what I was thinking when I agreed. His mother has paid me gas money but still...that's an hour out of my day I need to be getting dinner, helping the boys with homework and getting my house under wraps. Crazy, I am.
***
I think I'm going to sneak a nap before the boys come home. Maybe that'll clear up the cobwebs.
Happy Tuesday.
N.

1:10 p.m. - 2006-09-12

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