nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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So sad.

It's raining tonight, a cold and drizzly rain that melts into the dark, sort of a fitting accompaniment to the calling hours I attended. Truly, if there is such a thing as Heaven, I think every angel cried tonight.
I've never seen so many people.
She touched so many lives.
I watched her youngest son tonight, standing next to her casket and he turned to his father with his hand on the edge and asked in his little boy voice, "When's Mommy going to wake up?"
He's all of four. And he doesn't understand.
I'm 31 and I don't think I really do either.
***
I'm very contemplative tonight. Also very weepy and easily moved to tears.
I hugged my boys until they squirmed away and gave me the syllabled "mo-o-o-o-m".
I don't know what I'd do if faced with the realization that I wouldn't be here to watch them grow up. How do you prepare for that?
***
In the midst of my funk today, I received a mixed cd from a very nice Dlander who shared with me and it's lovely. I always welcome new music and enjoy opening my head and heart to the education that comes with other people's tastes and this was no exception. There are several songs on this cd that just absolutely haunt me and in the same breath they're like warmed honey in hot tea, soothing without being obvious about it.
I'm going to go curl up in my bed in the dark and listen to the combined rhythms of cd and rain pelting the window.
Better tomorrow, I promise.
Sleep well, Dland.
N.

8:30 p.m. - 2006-12-12

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