nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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lo-lo-lo-lo-lola

"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world..."
Lola--The Kinks
I heard this song this afternoon in the midst of my running around. It made me laugh, as it always does because of the lyrics but it also prodded me to call a relative of mine that I haven't seen or spoken with since my maternal grandmother passed away about 4 yrs ago.
My uncle Terri is my mother's youngest sibling, blonde and handsome and always full of spark.
He has always lived out of state, for as long as I can remember, nearly the entire time in Georgia.
His wife, when I was a kid, was gorgeous. And their daughter April was beautiful too. We didn't get to see them much so I was surprised when one year he showed up without either of them along. I just figured that's how things go sometimes.
Several years ago, when my mother's mother was diagnosed with a multitude of cancers, the family began drawing together as she went downhill. In her final days, we all ended up in the hospital waiting room at the ICU as she had yet another procedure meant to lessen her pain and help her breathe a bit more smoothly.
I sat there, next to my mother, surrounded by family members I barely knew (my mother estranged my brothers and I from this side of our family when I was about 8, before my youngest two siblings were even born, for her own comfort), quietly contemplating what a mixed up world it was---relations you don't feel related to, people that seem like total strangers.
The elevator opened and out walked a very pretty woman, although a little on the unusual side. Something about this person struck me as familiar and when my mother stood and hugged her, calling her by name, I was dumbstruck. I can only imagine the look on my face as I greeted this person too and then excused myself to hide in the bathroom for a moment to regain composure.
It was my uncle Terri.
He had come to the conclusion some years ago that he was a woman living in a man's body and it was time to accept that and live truthfully (his words).
I have to say that Terri makes a very pretty woman, albeit an unusual one. He was never overly tall, maybe 5'8" or so, and was a pretty boy so the transition hasn't been that shocking.
He's currently a pre-op transsexual, just waiting while saving money for the operation.
I felt horrible because I know my expression must have been telling. The shock was undeniable. I chewed my mother out privately and after the fact because I honestly thought it only fair that she should have warned me---not because I cared but because I'm sure it came across rather insensitively and that's just not me.
I've maintained contact via sporadic emails and letters through the last several years but it's been some time since I spoke to him on the phone.
We had a nice conversation this afternoon. Things are going well and it was nice to catch up.
In the privacy of my own thoughts, I still think of him as my uncle, although sometimes it's my aunt/uncle. I try to be respectful when speaking to him and refer to him as he wishes to be. Sometimes, it's just simpler to call him Terri (asexual names are a wonderful thing).
Life isn't easy for him just yet. Imagine getting stopped while driving and presenting a driver's license that says your a man, with a picture of a man and yet, you very much resemble a woman. Imagine feeling that you're a woman and how much of an affront it must be to see the reactions that come with that.
I don't envy him. I know alot of people in the world have strong feelings against this sort of situation and they're entitled to their own opinions.
For me, it's yet another Jerry Springer moment in the makeup of my family and I roll with it.
You can't pick your family. You're just given them and I think we have to love people as they are.
So listening to this song today, while somewhat amusing in the context of the lyrics, reminded me that sometimes it's nice to remember we're all the same inside our skin. And reminded me that random efforts to show us that that we're cared for can be a good thing.
Maybe a gentle nudge from karma :P
Happy Tuesday!
N.

7:11 p.m. - 2007-01-09

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