nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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All over my own personal spectrum

Getting to know someone is like trying a new food for the first time. You have to learn the textures, the tastes, the shapes of everything, see if it fits on your tongue in a way that's appealing, make sure you're not allergic to any of the ingredients. If you're really lucky, it's a fluffy, wonderful, tasty bit of something that delights your tastebuds and makes you want more. Sometimes it's something you need to build a tolerance towards, something that might have a bit of a bite when you sink your teeth in. Sometimes you can tell just from the smell of it that it's something you'll love or something you'll hate.
And sometimes you just have to swallow and hope you don't choke.
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The kiddos were off today for MLK Day. The day was eventful in the face of being uneventful. Everyone seemed to get along fine and dandy and I accomplished cleaning out the closet by the stairs to the basement. I'm a happy camper.
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I'm tired tonight and so my bedtime may come earlier than I typically like. Some of that is my fault, some of it was brought on by Trevor.
I walked into the boys' bedroom over the weekend and lo and behold, Ryan was watching Freddy VS. Jason. He's at this point where he's dying to just dive headfirst in to all things "horror movie". He reminds me of myself at that age and I believe, for the most part, he'll handle the more mild stuff just fine.
Trevor, however, is another story. He already has night terrors and I try with everything in me to buffer him against anything that might increase those. He was in the room while Ry was watching this movie and I knew, knew, KNEW that there were going to be issues with it and gave Ryan the choice of going into the other room to watch it or turn it. He chose to turn it.
I wasn't wrong---Trevor woke up about five times last night, out of sorts and drenched in sweat, mumbling things I couldn't understand but was pretty certain were not his typical night terrors. For one, he actually let me approach him and didn't shrink away as if I were some terrible monster instead of Mom. In addition, this morning he remembered waking up during the night whereas typically, he hasn't any recollection at all.
No more horror movies for Trev.
We both need more than four hours of sleep!
***
The anniversary of my second miscarriage is almost upon us. That baby would be almost 12 now. I wonder, sometimes, what that baby would have been like now, how it would be to have raised that child with my sons. It doesn't sting as much as it used to, primarily because of the passage of time (I think). I worry sometimes that my pregnancy troubles might somehow transmit to my sons and their own children. I've been reassured that it's probably not something to worry about but still...I think it's only natural to have that concern. I hope that little soul has found some peace, as I have.
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Happy Monday and MLK Day. Sleep well, Dlanders.
N.

8:57 p.m. - 2007-01-15

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