nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Anniversary and addition

It's a year ago today that my Grams died.
It's odd how it doesn't feel like it's been a year and at the same time feels exactly like it's been a year.
I miss her, sometimes so much it's a physical ache. In some regards, it's the day-to-day actual "seeing" that I miss. I miss being able to touch her hand, paper-thin skin barely seeming strong enough to protect her.
I miss hearing her voice, knowing as she recognized me that I was one of few still holding that honor.
And in other ways, it's her wisdom and stories I miss most. No one else I know holds those sorts of stories inside them or can share them with such a sharp wit.
In my head, she'll most often be the Grams of my childhood, strong and wise and larger than life. In my heart, she'll be the voice that guides me.
I talk to her at random times, weird times even. When I'm in the shower, when I'm folding clothes, when the boys are sleeping and I'm fresh from peeking into their rooms...
I wonder so often how she lived the life she did and with such gusto. I wonder how I can do the same.
The boys and I went to the cemetery today, to lay flowers on her grave. Some of my family had been there before us, with the same thought.
There were flowers of every color, blanketing her space there and tucked into all sorts of nooks and crannies. Ours were the only fresh flowers, with the rest being silk or the like.
I chose Gerbera daisies because Grams loved the colors of them and I remember her planting them around the statue of Mary in her backyard garden. She said they reminded her of a rainbow.
Now, they remind me of her.
***
We have a new member in our family. His name is Reese and he's such a sweet boy. He's shades of chocolate and has the softest ears. Besides being incredibly gentle, he's got a sweet disposition and is wonderful with the boys. I've nicknamed him Mumble Happy Feet because when he's excited, he does this tappity-tappity-tap thing with his paws that just cracks me up.
He's very well behaved, doesn't get on the furniture unless invited, doesn't guard, doesn't even bark! Still, he's got some spark to him and he's a welcome addition. I'll post pics in the next day or two.
***
My birthday is in two days. I'll be 32. Already.
Some days I feel like I'm still 18 and others...not so much.
Hope your weekend went well.
Happy Sunday.
N.

7:51 p.m. - 2007-03-11

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