nixtress's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note to future self---I'm trying

I've spent a lot of time this weekend, lost in my head somewhere. Too much time, probably.
I keep wondering where along the way I managed to evolve into the person I am now. Some of the change was good, some not so good.
As bizarre as it sounds, it hit me (I mean REALLY hit me) recently that my sons are growing up at warp speed and that in the very near future, I'm not going to have a houseful. It'll just be me and I realized that I'm not real sure what I'll do with myself.
My focus has been on the boys for so long now...that when I tried to turn that lens on myself, there wasn't much to pull into focus. I've immersed myself so completely in "mom" that I've lost quite a bit of "Nikki". Yes, being a mom is a huge part of me but I don't think it's healthy for it to be ALL of me.
I've tried, in recent weeks, to re-ignite some of my interests, tried to branch out a bit. I'm hoping that those endeavors lead to others, a networking of sorts. There are a couple groups I've joined, one a mentoring program for parents of autistic kiddos. Still an offshoot of the "mom" role but it's a productive one with my own identity stamped on it.
I feel like I'm rambling about this and skirting a blunt edge but I think I'm meaning this as a reminder that I need to re-establish myself along the route, here. I love my sons but they're going to grow up, going to bust out and free and leave me long behind in so many ways, just as they're supposed to. It's part of successful parenting. I want that for them and for me, too.
I just don't want to be a stereotype of empty nesting when they've all flown the coop.
The Summer Ryan turns 18, I turn 40. Still plenty of my life ahead of me (I hope). I need to start making some plans for that life, now. I need to start the seeds for the growth I'll need then, now. I want to start moving forward again, rather than holding steady.
I hope that makes sense to the future me.
Happy Sunday.
N.

10:25 p.m. - 2007-11-04

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

boxx9000
sixweasels
la-the-sage
singledadguy
nmnohr
Batten
myownjourney
nicim
swimmmer72
stwig
thunderstorm
lerin
theflyingrat
ochweidnit
selaith
rugged