nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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A brief letter to my Brandon

Dear Brandon,
Today is an ending day and a beginning day in your life.
It's the end of your completely whole heart and the beginning of a new chapter in your life.
You've had crushes before. In fact, if you remember correctly, you had a crush on the same girl from 5th grade through the end of 7th grade (Taylor). I thought she was a lovely girl but you thought the sun rose and set on her. She was very smart and very pretty, a cheerleader as well as an active member of your student council. You bought her small gifts at Christmas and Valentine's, gifts that went unreciprocated and gifts that you shrugged off and tried to pretend weren't pieces of your heart.
Taylor was pretty clear that she had other interests and that didn't seem to bother you too badly. You were happy to "worship her from afar", until this school year (8th grade).
This year, you've started realizing that there were other girls in the universe and you've moved from crush to crush, all typically very smart and very pretty. It started with Meagan, a very sweet and turning-to-Goth girl who taught you it's okay to be emotional but not TOO emotional. Then there was Danielle who taught you the definition of "player".
You backed off Danielle pretty quickly, when it became apparent that she was just interested in collecting attention. Not your type, you said.
Not too long after Danielle, you became friends with Haley. Very sweet girl, very wholesome, incredibly smart. Involved in everything from the academic team to the scholar group that worked with our college, from band to jazz band to all sorts of student groups.
The two of you have been friends now for most of the school year and last week, at your 8th grade farewell dance, you danced your first slow dance. With your friend Haley.
This morning, you asked if you could walk home from school. I agreed, not thinking much of it until you walked in the door this afternoon.
Your face was lit up like Times Square. Your heart was nailed to your sleeve, for all the world to see.
You and Haley are a "couple", you said. You asked her to be your girlfriend and she said yes.
You smiled the shyest and most hopeful smile I've ever seen on your face. Your logical side showed itself loud and clear when you explained that because you were friends first, you have a better chance of it lasting. I had to suppress a smile at that.
I can't tell you that it won't last because stranger things have happened. I can't tell you that it will last because it is just the end of your 8th grade year and you are only 14. However, today you gave a piece of your heart away and it was received with tender hands. This is only the beginning for you, this first blush of puppy love.
There's a part of me that wants to warn you, to tell you to be more cautious as hearts can be broken just as easily as they are filled. The Mom inside of me wants to wrap you in bubble wrap and hide you away so you can revel in these feelings you're having and not feel the ache that might follow. The adult in me knows that this is the start of a whole new road for you, a road that involves joy and drama and heartache and love and lust all rolled up.
I remember being your age. I remember that first exhilerating rush of knowing they like you back, that heartstopping first kiss and beyond...
and I can only hope that if this ends, when it ends, you're both gentle with the other and don't leave too many scars on those soft hearts. I'll be here, if and when you need me, in whatever form that may be.
I love you so much. I'm so happy you're happy.
Love,
Mom

4:32 p.m. - 2008-05-30

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