nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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I'm managing to get a grip now.
I think last night, it just all had finally hit me. It's funny how one can do what they need to while in the midst of turmoil but once it's managed, fall to pieces and that's pretty much what last night was about for me.
I cried for the first time while writing yesterday's entry and I think, really, that I needed it.
From what I've been told, Bobby is not making it easy on the hospital staff. He threw a complete fit about being moved to the psych unit and screamed at his gf that she needed to tell them she lied, that he wasn't going to the nuthouse, that it was all a bunch of b.s.
In some ways, I hope his lack of control shows them how completely he's not handling Life right now and makes them keep him just a bit longer. I think he's better off in a place where they can keep him safe until he's able to do that for himself.
I'm still afraid for him, still angry, still wistful for the little boy that he was. I'm also realistic and I know that bipolar disorder is insidious.
***
I took the younger two boys fishing today. It was a glorious day, full of sunshine and a gentle breeze and I needed to be out and away. Batten has an entry up today about water and I feel very much the same. There's just something soothing to me about watching the light glint off water, seeing reflections of deep green forest and fluffy, cottony clouds.
Ryan caught a large mouth bass and Trevor just enjoyed using his lures. We spent nearly 6 hrs lakeside and I managed to chew my way through most of a book called Things I Want My Daughters To Know.
It's an outstanding read, btw.
It was a nice afternoon. Relaxing and away and necessary.
Ryan leaves on Sunday to go to his very first Summer camp. He'll be gone 6 days and I'm excited to see how he likes it.
He's never been away from home for that length of time before.
My Gramps has a biopsy on Tuesday. I'd thought it was today but my aunt had told me wrongly. His prostate is enlarged and his PSA is 27 (normal being around 4 or 5). They're pretty sure he has prostate cancer but need to biopsy to make it concrete.
I've done a ton of reading about prostate cancer and it's very slow moving. In fact, statistics say that most men who are diagnosed with it usually die from other age-related causes. The main concern at this point is making sure it hasn't spread.
Gramps doesn't seemed concerned at all. In fact, he's very matter of fact about it and seems very prepared to endure radiation. The human spirit is an amazing thing.
I think I'm going to end my evening early tonight. Happy weekend, all.
N.

8:34 p.m. - 2008-06-20

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