nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Complete and total randomness

Frailty=one headfuck of a movie.

Anyone liking movies that twist your thoughts, see this one. It'll do it.

The boys and my sister C. are watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for the gazillionth time. Love that movie.

Blustery days are here again. By the time it lets up, my grass should be high enough to wade through and ready for a good mowing. I sat at Gram's today looking through older random pictures. I'm amazed at how handsome my bio-dad was as a youngster. Such a cute boy..and my Ryan reminds me of him quite a bit. Also makes sense now why they called him Mouse as a kiddo. He was one tiny lil guy. Raised in strict Catholicism, all of my paternal aunts and uncles, and bio-dad included attended parochial school until they hit high school. My father was a hellraiser and I imagine he drove his religious teachers absolutely nuts. My aunts and uncles were all sheep by comparison. It struck me that I really don't KNOW him. I know of him, I know things he's done, but as a person I don't really know him. I don't know if he feels any sort of attachment towards me, or regrets the distances that have formed between us. When he looks at my sons, does he feel any sort of pride or even affection?

Talking to him is a futile effort. Any broaching of uncomfortable topics sends him scurrying off to other territory. And honestly, I don't even know where he is right now. I see him at family holiday get-togethers but that's pretty much the extent of it, aside from occasional accidental run ins out and about. I've tried in the past to form some sort of ..solid relationship with him, but I don't think he was ready for that. Not to say at this point that he's any more ready, but before long it'll be too late, I think.

The gears in my head need to stop this sticky turning and let me rest.

Have a safe and happy weekend.

N.

10:40 a.m. - 2003-04-18

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