nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Class reunions..the tenth one

Class reunions.

I'll start by saying there's no way in hell I've been out of high school for ten years already. It's just not possible that I'm that OLD already. And I know, I know, 28 isn't ancient..it only FEELS that way. However, it just doesn't feel like that much time has passed ALREADY.

High school, for me, wasn't the travesty it was for some others. I made my way through it in a semi-normal fashion, not buddying up with any one social group in particular. I tended to do as I do now--get along with just about everyone. I had a boyfriend who was substantially enough older than I was to make it "cool". I did my thing, studied my ass off and graduated in the upper grouping of GPA's.

So that's not the reason I'm dreading my class reunion. And it's not really based in the whole "physical" aspect, either. I don't dread having everyone see that my body matches that of most other 28 yr old women who've had kids.

The thing that gets me about going back to that tiny town is the connections.

Everyone I considered my best friends in high school have some sort of connection to my ex-husband. My best friend Brit (also known as Joanna) not only gave my ex a blowjob one New Year's Eve, but she's currently married to his brother and expecting my ex's nephew. My best friends Karla and Tabby took turns blowing my ex while driving through the numerous back roads that surrounded that tiny town we lived in. Karla currently dates a very good friend of my ex's (used to be mine as well but that's what happens with divorce) and God only knows what Tabby's been up to. Kelly, one of my closest pals, was engaged to my ex's best friend for quite some time. And Amy ended up screwing my ex while I was still with him, became pregnant with his kiddo, and at the same time I had my first miscarriage she had an abortion. SO. All of these girls, who factor largely in my teenage memories and happenings, had strong(and eventually negative) connections in my head to my exhusband.

I also know that being a small town, news travels and gets distorted. And gossip abounds, some of it made up and some of it real, just blown out of proportion.

I guess, overall, I just have some fears about the sort of demons I'd have to face going back there. Alot of it is a product of the whole divorce situation--anyone who's been divorced knows that mutual friends tend to pick a side and whichever person isn't picked is going to lose.

On the flip side, I'll admit to some curiosity in regards to the people I graduated with and how things have gone for all of them. There are some people there I'd genuinely like to see.

In the name of maturity, I should probably just bite the bullet and go. All misgivings aside, I'd probably enjoy it. That doesn't cancel out the trepidation...no one likes to walk onto a playing field tipped against them.

And maybe I'm just paranoid.

Maybe the memories of toilet papering the neighbors, drunken Amish buggy races, and cowtipping will overcome.

Any input is welcome. I'm straddling this fence something fierce.

N.

11:02 a.m. - 2003-07-18

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