nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Bah!

Lately I've found myself to be a dissatisfied gal. In most instances, if I try hard enough, I can find the good aspects to whatever it is I'm staring at, but lately...it's getting more difficult. And I don't know if that's because I'm dissatisfied with myself or my life in general. I've said it before--I know I'm doing right by my sons; they're in a rut and ruts are good for kids, schedules and structure are good for making them feel loved. So, in that respect, I'm doing the right thing. However, my personal rut is not so good for me. I'm restless and searching for something. I don't know what exactly that something is but I know it's there. I need my own personal spark, something besides my sons that makes me happy to get up in the morning and happy to see a new day. That sounds horrid and I'm not suicidal or anything. Maybe I just need to work on myself a bit. I just feel...disconnected somehow.

Life here is maintaining it's same ebb and flow pattern. And I'm drifting along on my little threadbare raft, hoping some days just to stay afloat.

***

I'm the only one in the house still with lingering cold symptoms and that's just a sniffly stuffy sort. Trevor and Ryan are back up to 100% and incredibly happy to be. Last night was comical. We sat reading books on the couch, taking turns every couple of pages or so. They like it when I read because I do the changey-voice thing for each of the characters in the story. And they started to copy me. Made me laugh. It's quite something to hear a little boy soprano trying to go all baritone.

It's chilly this morning so I'm off to make some tea. Happy Wednesday, Diaryland.

N.

8:55 a.m. - 2003-09-24

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