nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Life=ocean

Isn't it amazing how the smallest things can make old insecurities rear their ugly heads? Tiny little insignificant things that bring back rivers of pain, streams long ago dammed up and redirected beginning to trickle again...

Things like breaches of trust. Just when you feel like you're on an even keel again, when everything seems so solid and able to be relied on again.

Things like low self esteem. A snide comment that sends you drifting again when it just seems you've gotten comfortable again in your own skin.

Things like tiny white lies. About the time you truly believe what someone's saying, believing IN them, only to have doubt start fishing again.

Things like fake friends. You think you've gotten to the wood of a person, then you find one more layer of paint to chip through.

And I guess I really do think of it like an ocean, where it's keep swimming and drown trying or admit defeat and go down with the ship. It's all about staying afloat, keeping your head above water...all those cliches.

Life's just like that.

***

One of the third shift girls called off again so I get to take a quick shower and try to get a nap in. Instead of going in at 7 am I have to be there at 3 am and work 12 hrs. At least it'll still be daylight when I get out of there. That's a saving grace.

This wasn't much of an entry, wasn't much of anything other than an outletting of sorts. Just some of those things that make you think...

G'night.

N.

7:27 p.m. - 2003-12-13

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