nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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'Nother time of the year is finally here..

Exes are the worst sort of payback.
***
The boys have been bickering so much in the last few days. I'm not sure what's up with that. I don't know if it's just their way of stretching their proverbial wings or working out the kinks in their interactions...it's maddening. I try to stay out of it for the most part because I know that they need to learn how to fight fairly as well as get along and that they need to define their relationships with one another. Sometimes, though, the sound of yet another boyish voice raised in frustration is like someone taking a shard of glass along an exposed, already tortured nerve. Nuts, I tell you.
It's raining again, has poured off and on all day. The temperature here is at the cusp between being cold and being just chilly. It's warm enough that we're not freezing up yet, but exhaling creates a cloud whether you're a smoker or not. It's gorgeous and preliminary to the snow that surely will be here before too much longer. For whatever reason, I want to be out in that cold tonight, want to be chilled to the bone and numb with cold. There are days I just don't want to feel anything. That's not to say I want to be dead--just the opposite, in fact. And today I just want to feel things a little less than I do. Empathy can be a bad thing and altruism is way overrated. And being open lets in the bad as well as the good. I know this is the stress talking. Suppose it's a good thing that the closest thing to an addiction I have is chocolate. Heh.
I got a call from FavoriteCoworker, letting me know there was an opening at another city agency for an administrative assistant. It posted today in city offices and I'm going down tomorrow morning to apply for it. After checking into my options, I realized that I will be ineligible for unemployment if they lay me off. To say that I appreciated FavoriteCoworker's efforts to keep me notified would be downplaying it.
Trevor brought home his school pictures today and I LOVE them. Incredible. The photographer caught Trev's spark in a major way. His blue eyes literally shine out of the pictures and his dimples are cavernous. So handsome. Ryan's, on the other hand, were not quite what I expected. He obviously refused to smile, had this awful, ornery look on his face and while it's very much his own personality shining through, it's not quite the look I was hoping for. Retakes will be on Friday and he will be one of those sitting through them. Goofy kid.
Bah. Enough. I'm off to watch me some Top Model and vegitate.
Happy Humpday, again.
N.

7:42 p.m. - 2004-11-17

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