nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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No longer

Tonight was my last night at a job I loved more than probably any other I've ever had. It had it's ups and downs, as does just about everything in life. There were lots of things that annoyed me, and just as many things that excited me. I expanded my horizons, learned so much about so many things, technical and life-related. I made a difference.
It was strange in some ways. Things I've done without thought for my three and a half years there, I did tonight and prefaced it by thinking,"This is the last time I'll..."
The officers I typically have worked with on second shift all either stopped or called in, wishing me well and several voiced concerns for the future. I was touched. I don't think I realized before how much of a dynamic I'd reached with them. The senior lieutenant, Huck, made me promise to put him down as a job reference and then gave me a hug, patted me on the head and said he wished they'd kept a good egg like me.
I know it sounds silly, even to me, to cry over a lost job. I know there will be others, know that Job Numbah 2 (while not top notch) will cover until I can find something better. That doesn't negate the fact that I loved the job, loved the basic work of it. And I was damned good at it. I'll miss that. I'll miss knowing I did something that mattered. I'll miss FavoriteCoworker. Friday night was my last night working with her and we were both in tears before we left. I'll miss the eclectic nature of the calls, and some of the unusual people we dealt with. Adeline, the mental lady who thought the police had stolen her uterus. The little autistic man who would stand outside the building just watching the cop cars come and go. I'll forever be impacted by some of the cases--the little girl chronically locked in her closet, the one who haunts me still. The twin baby girls who died in the house fire and their wacko mother. The almost fatal traffic accident one of our sergeants was in. And the officers. I'll miss the chocolate hound, and the goofball, and the most devoted daddy I've ever seen in my life, the one I called Big Red and the scrawny slutpuppy with six kids and an inflated ego and the two big gruff guys. I'll miss the stories the detectives used to tell and the history they all shared with me, some of it involving my own family members. I'll miss the back-and-forth, give and take jibes that come with a working with a group of men.
Three and a half years isn't chopped liver. I'm glad I had the experience.
I think tonight would have been worse had I waited to clean out my locker and get my things together. I did that right after they informed us of the layoff. I think that made it a little easier.
And I didn't cry until I got home.
Next chapter, I guess.
Happy weekend.
N.

11:34 p.m. - 2004-12-19

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