nixtress's Diaryland Diary

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Family world war

Oh, good God, the drama.
It's pathetic. Not only has my cousin gotten her panties into this huge uproar (for which I've apologized countless times---I'm sure she was very shocked to find I even had an online diary), she's also drug countless family members into it as well.
Tiring does not even begin to describe the situation.
I'm tired. Tired of apologizing for using my own space to my own devices, tired of having to explain time and again that it wasn't meant to hurt her or portray her as anything more than what she is. Tired of feeling like I've done something wrong by outletting my own thoughts and feelings. Part of me says that when you go looking for something, you'd better be prepared to find more than you're expecting. Part of me feels that as soon as she saw that it was in any way, shape or form a personal space, she should have left it alone. Part of me feels horrible that I've hurt her and caused such a commotion. Part of me feels that I should have seen this coming, eventually. Part of me is still curious as hell, trying to figure out how she even found it---I've been pretty good about not using real names or fudging locations. I've tried to keep this as it is--my space. Part of me waits really impatiently for this to all blow over. Part of me is really pissed that I have to put it in lockdown just to serve some peace.
This all started yesterday evening, with emails from her that were just indignant as hell. I was sick to my stomach at first, literally hugging the toilet because I hate hurting people I care about and this most definitely hurt her, at least in the beginning. At this point, she's warmed up to playing the victim and is beyond self-righteous.
I didn't sleep worth a damn and then actually met with her face to face this morning, in an effort to iron things out. She's in full blown hissy mode now and I don't know how long I'm going to have to weather this. Directly after that discussion, I went to pick up my new Harry Potter and proceeded, with three kids along, to lock my keys in the van. No spares, of course. And when I called the dispatchers for the p.d., they said officers were short and they couldn't help. I cheated, then. I called in a personal favor. Lt. Redhead (yep, that's a fake name) came over and slim-jimmed the lock for me, then gave me a hug and called me kid. I drove home in tears. It's just been one of those days.
I'm a mess. I'm tired and PMS-y and just out of sorts.
I really DO prefer a life without drama. Do I attract it or is there something I'm doing that is begging for it? Because if I'm doing something, someone tell me quick so I can STOP. This just sucks.
At any rate, I'll be in lockdown until I can believe that half my family won't be invading my space here. God only knows how long that'll be.
I need to go to bed.
Happy Almost-Weekend. May yours go better than mine.
N.

11:11 p.m. - 2005-07-21

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